There were two eighteen-hole golf courses in the middle of the richest part of L.A.  Fine.  I loved it.  I liked him too, but he wasn’t the answer, my Mr. _______.  But I pictured myself conforming for him, my energies pleasantly wasted, drained off.  Whereas my energy often springs from my own upward driving forces, I prefer the unique inner quest – exploring, wanting, partly achieving, then having to reach further.  My soul mate just may be the metaphysical kind, so that I can extend a warm heart to all those souls on earth who are single and stuck with it.  They are my godchildren, I their nook and granny. 

To have the peace I deserve, it is best to stay detached. 

Early in my life I was enthralled by a comic book character named “Brenda Starr”.  She set the tone for my life.  She was in love with an unattainable man, and she was always in search of a mysterious black orchid, which for her was an unreal and unattainable object of desire.  I have often pretended with those who were in love with me, and I with them, that we could create a new reality… but for both of us there was always a further calling.  I was not meant to live and die in Nebraska. 

What I like about my life is that the ceiling is so high.  Oddly, it gets higher each time I take flight.  Amazingly, I even look better than I used to.  Well, what’s still there looks pretty good.  When I was young, my family – perhaps luckily – was not predisposed to having everything we wanted.  There was enough physical security, but a less-than-satisfying emotional “thereness”.  This is just what I have sought all my life.  The art of human connection kindled my nervous system.  My goals early on reached beyond the easy grasp, but the nature of success often eluded me.  I overshot the mark.  Being “there” meant I had to back up, to learn what other people might have done naturally.  So I learned to go it alone, sometimes asking for criticism, input.  Big success comes from a need for aloneness; you just want to figure it out.  In science or music that inner space comes alive.  I’m in love with the panic of discovery. 

I totally treasure the strangeness of my life.  I am an independent, single mother of a special needs child.  I am always surrounded by love.  I feel the world aspiring at my fingertips.  It feels great.  And it’s getting greater all the time.  I’m so happy to be here.  As Sally Field would say, “In this one body, this life.”